Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

 

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

 

 Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

 

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

 

Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

 

The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

 

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

 

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.

 

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

 

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

 

How do I set my laser printer to stun?

 

How is it possible to have a civil war?

 

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

 

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

 

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

 

If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

 

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

 

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

 

 Why do they call them "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

 

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

 

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

 

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?

 

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

 

If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?

 

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

 

 I went to a bookstore and asked the salesperson, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose?

 

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?