In a Bucharest Hotel: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

 

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.

 

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one

 

                                         should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

 

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.

 

In a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetry where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists

 

                                                  and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

 

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

 

In a Czechoslovakin tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

 

In a Copenhagen airline ticket counter: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

 

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to USSR, you are welcome to it.

 

In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

 

From a Majorcan shop entrance:    -   English well talking.   -   Here speeching American.

 

In a Rome laundry:  Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

 

In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts

 

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

 

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists

 

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

 

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.

 

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously

 

                                                                 at first, but till obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

 

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

 

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.  If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

 

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid

 

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

 

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

 

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

 

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

 

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the

 

                         lobby be used for this purpose.

Back to Humour page